Skateboarder Believes Women Should Only Be In Skatepark When It's Time To Pick Him Up

AUSTIN, TX—As more women enter the skateboarding community, some men have a hard time welcoming new faces to the scene. 

“Skateboarding is a dangerous sport. Sports, in general, are dangerous sports. So when my mom picks me up from the skatepark, that’s the only time a woman should be there,” local skater Elijah Houston explains. “The only other woman that’s allowed to be there is my girlfriend but not for skating. She only comes to the park when it’s time to do her hula hoop vaping in the deep end of the bowl or if my mom isn’t available to give me a ride home. But that’s it! No chicks allowed.”

Other skaters, however, disagree with Houston’s opinions.

“That Elijah kid sucks ass. He’s 26 and still needs a ride from his mother or junkie girlfriend,” Melissa Martinez commented. “He also wears oversized basketball shorts, a white beater, and the absolute fattest DC shoes you could find from Marshalls. I’ve met scooter kids cooler than this guy. One time he got in my way when I was trying to skate by him and he ended up throwing his board in an angry temper tantrum. He even stomped his feet out of the skatepark.”

Houston’s mother, Mary Anne Houston, offered a different perspective upon hearing the comments about her son.

“How do you think I feel? I don’t want to be around him either!” she said. “Why do you think I’m always dropping him off at the skatepark? He won’t get a job. He won’t shut up about Lil Peep for some reason. And he won’t stop asking if his girlfriend can move in! I don’t even know her name, but I do know hula hooping cannot be her actual career.”

Houston refused to do a second interview because he said he was busy. We later found him crying on IG live because his girlfriend broke up with him.