Quiz: Does He Want To Cuddle Or Is His Air Mattress Deflating?
So, you're chilling with your "no-strings-attached" hookup when—all of a sudden—you feel him move closer to you. But... you already had sex (he finished, not you)! Take this quiz to see if he's falling hard or deflating softly.
When having sex, does he:
a. Make (peripheral) eye contact.
b. Fall asleep on top of you.
c. Start to become encompassed in a rising tide of PVC as you feel yourself slowly drift to the floor.
When he invites you over, does he:
a. Ask if you’ll pick him up from work because his car was repossessed again.
b. Says, “I can't wait to see you.”
c. Asks if you can bring some duct tape, but not for sexy reasons.
After sex does he:
a. High five you.
b. Wipe his dick on the comforter.
c. Sit up and plop down on the deflating mattress so you go flying across his room.
Congrats, you’ve been hooking up for six months! How do you celebrate?
a. …hookup again?
b. Get some Taco Bell and eat in your car (his is still gone).
c. Pick up some helium for his air mattress to “spice things up.”
When chilling in bed, does he:
a. Sigh loudly.
b. Send a Venmo request for the two sips you took from his bottle of Jamison.
c. Ask if you could move over and lay on the ripped seam of the mattress.
When flipping through Netflix, does he pick:
a. Stranger Things.
b. The Office.
c. Nothing. His laptop breaks when he rolls over and creates an air pocket in the mattress and it crashes on the ground. It also turns out that his parents changed the password after they found out his car was taken for the fourth time this year. They've had it up to here.
You’ve been hooking up for 10 years now! Are you ready to make your relationship official?
a. Yes.
b. No.
c. Only if we got a tax break on a real mattress.
Answer Key:
Mostly As and Bs - Good luck.
Mostly Cs - Yes.
