Nation Holding Out Hope That Willy-Wonka-Style Tickets Hidden In Those Free Home Covid Tests

RIVERSIDE, CA—Back in January, the U.S. government announced that each citizen would be able to order and receive four, free, at-home Covid-19 tests. Now, in April, some are reporting that they still haven’t received theirs.

“I’m holding out hope that mine is delayed because it’s special in some way. Like, maybe it contains a Willy-Wonka-style golden ticket of sorts,” said Brian, 32. "I wish I could still taste candy."

“It would be cool if one of them gave a year of free healthcare or something, or, like, canceled my student loan debt,” said Lylah, 28, who still owes around $29,000. "I'd even take a free tote."

These two are in luck! We intercepted their packages from USPS so we could watch them open the boxes live. The two shook them out, only to find a Covid test and an expired coupon to Circuit City.

“Well, it was fun to dream for a moment,” said Brian, who walked off solemnly.

“I’m still gonna go to The White House and make Joe Biden do a somersault for me,” said Lylah, with a threatening look in her eyes.