'Mission Accomplished!' Family Takes Down BLM Sign
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—The Klein Family was extremely hesitant to get a “Black Lives Matter” sign. Sources close to the family say the Kleins adamantly blamed the delay on ‘global supply chain issues.’
The family of realtors is notorious for partnering with developers to accelerate gentrification. Dalton, Susan, and their daughter Tempeste give off the impression that they don’t know a single black person but are quite confident they know how to solve race relations. But after the murder of George Floyd, when the culture shifted dramatically in support of BLM, the Kleins did not want to be the minority. That sounded—in their opinion—like it fucking sucks.
“We did what every good realtor does, we put a sign in the yard," explained Susan Klein while drinking a mountain-fresh, sustainably sourced, PH balanced, high-ionized, alkaline, pomegranate-flavored mineral water costing $23 a bottle. "Mission accomplished."
But as the protests dwindled, and Derek Chauvin was convicted, the Kleins wondered when would be the dopest time to take the sign down. Dalton, dressed exactly how you would expect, exclaimed “Enough is enough! We’ve had that BLM sign up for over 400 days. 400 days! Like, who am I, Thurgood Marshall?"
The BLM sign was found by Minneapolis waste management employee Travis Green on trash pickup day.
“When I saw that sign in the trash, I was like oh hell nah! So I did what anyone would do.. tweeted a photo with their address. Two years of Covid and centuries of police violence got me tired for real! So this time, we finna have a cookout… at the Kleins' house! Bring everyone.”
The community was quick to rally and the Kleins' townhome became the venue for the biggest block party Minneapolis has seen since Prince died.
To quell the crowd, the family bought and displayed several BLM signs (and a few trans flags just in case) in hopes that everyone would be impressed and the cookout would end quickly and everyone would clean up and leave. But the black population in Minneapolis is famously big as hell. More than 100,000 Minneapolisians arrived all blasting drastically different music from their car speakers. As of this moment, someone's auntie just pulled up with a trunk full of ribs playing Beyonce's version of "Before I Let Go.” The party is just beginning.
