Market Crash Alert! 'One Good Girl Actually Only Worth Like Six Or Seven Bitches' Reports Recently Divorced Kanye
NEW YORK CITY, NY—A visibly sweaty and teary-eyed Kanye West addressed a hastily-assembled conference outside the New York Stock Exchange early this morning.
Calling it an “unprecedented economic catastrophe,” West explained how banks have continued predatory loaning of “good girls” to overzealous communities, causing their value to drop to subterranean lows. Now, those who invested in “good girl” assets are justifiably angry and confused.
West himself wasn't immune to the economic collapse. The value of his own marriage with Kim Kardashian has depreciated at an alarming rate. Some experts, using West's theorem, now estimate she is worth only 3-4 bitches (with a margin of error of .05 bitch). Not soon after the conference, West announced he was cutting his losses and getting a divorce.
Economists predict that the loss in "good girl" value could potentially cost thousands of monogamists their relationships, causing chaos to erupt worldwide. Those left alive in the ensuing madness will try to hoard as many bad bitches as possible, creating what's being called the "Bitch Bubble."
