In Support Of US-Bound Ukrainian Students, Biden Administers Refugee Student Loan Debt Estimate
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a landmark bill, the Biden Administration has extended support for incoming Ukrainian students by offering them "competitive" student loan estimates at customs.
“We need this bill to support Ukrainian students during this horrific wartime and let me tell you, it’s not cheap! At least not for them, I remember when things were a lot cheaper and you could go to the Soda Shoppe with Mee-Ma and…” Biden told reporters at the White House before losing his train of thought. “Anyway, what we can say is that we’re reaching across the aisles of both parties and into the minds of Ukrainian students. Heck, maybe even all students worldwide or who knows where else.”
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, who was seen walking barefoot around her home in solidarity with Ukraine, also spoke in support of the loan estimate bill.
“The mind can be a weapon against tyranny. For appropriate monthly payments with interest, we can provide the tools to use it. Now, they can come to this great country and spend the rest of their life paying off their time in such compelling classes as Rock N Roll History, Fruit 101, and Harry Potter: The Theology of Witchcraft.”
As calls to cancel student debt rose multiple times during the pandemic without response, American students are unphased by the shift in the agenda. While the halt in student loan payments beginning March 2020 relieved some debtors of what is estimated to be $5,500 per borrower in interest rates alone, many consider this invisible money they’ve been charged since day one.
We spotted several students dumpster-diving behind a Trader Joe’s and asked the lookout, Orion Green, their thoughts on the loan estimate bill.
“Daaaaamn. They’re trying to get them too huh? Well, we’re in the death throes of capitalism so I guess everyone is invited to the party. I just want any Ukrainian students reading this to know that we’ve got a great zine about the best dumpsters in town,” said Green. “Shit, they can have some of my debt. I won’t even give them an estimate, just first come first serve. That’s how they got me.”
