High School Junior Buys AK-47 In Cafeteria Vending Machine

ALAMO, TX—Parents' revolt has ensued in Alamo, Texas elementary school after an 11th grader bought an AK-47 assault rifle in a cafeteria vending machine. Fortunately, no one was hurt because the accompanying vending machine that sells magazines of ammo and accessories was currently out of order.

The Gunding Brand vending machines selling guns and firearm-related paraphernalia are a recent phenomenon that started in Texas, and it is about to extend to Oklahoma and Arizona after their respective legislators vote for it, which should happen very soon, according to the information many representatives shared across Truth Social and Parler accounts and platforms.

Gunding Machines, the company behind gun vending machines, stated in their PR wires, and through their team of lobbyists, that there were no issues with offering more guns to people who want them.

“Is there a limit on the number of six-packs you can buy in Texas after 10 AM on Sunday? Of course, there’s no limit, because this is a free country—Texas, that is—and the people of Texas should be able to buy anything they want. Hell, if I can buy Dippin' Dots, Honey Buns, Funnyuns, Blue Gatorade, and Takis, why not an American-made firearm?"

Initially, before the Gunding machines were installed in Texas schools, parents were relieved when they heard that soda vending machines were being removed from cafeterias across the state. Once they saw what replaced the sugary drinks, they were unsure if it was a step in the right direction.

The students, conversely, were very happy, initially, to learn more about guns seen only in video games or in their parents’ hands up to that point. Finally, parents who were against the machines up to that point tried to look on the brighter side of it.

“OK, Jimmy, hand-held guns only, nothing automatic, you heard me," said one parent while dropping off her 12-year-old son for school, "And no more skittles before lunch!"