Taliban Urges Texas Govt. To Ease Abortion Restrictions

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—On Wednesday night the Taliban made a surprise speech urging Texas lawmakers to ease abortion restrictions after the state passed one of the strictest policies in the nation.

Zabihullah Mujahid, a senior Taliban official, delivered the speech with tears in his eyes.

“We do not condone the actions of the United States Government. Our hearts are with the women of Texas. We urge the United States to ease these restrictions and perhaps consider a ban after four months,” said Mujahid while burning down a library.

Although the Taliban are fully in support of an abortion ban, senior officials of the group feel that six weeks is unfair to most women,

“Six weeks does not allow a woman enough time to escape imprisonment or death. At least we allow our women a few months to find a place to hide before we even ask people to tell us their whereabouts ” said Mujahid as he referred to the Texas abortion hotline which urges residents to report women having abortions.

Texas officials have yet to respond but have expressed interest in speaking to the Taliban and possibly collaborating.

“These guys aren’t the best but they have a few ideas that are important to uphold democracy especially around education and women’s rights,” said Texas Governor Greg Abbott while reporting family and friends prematurely on the abortion tip hotline.

“They’re doing too much too fast. We learned so much from the U.S. but we hope they listen to our warnings and do what's right for American women,” said Mujahid.