Step Father's Day? 10 Father's Day Gifts That Scream 'You’re Not My Real Dad!'
Father’s Day is here once again (it’s okay, we almost forgot too), and the internet is full of incessant pop-up ads telling you the ideal gift for dad. However, Father’s Day has been a little different since Mom married Derrick and thinks he deserves to be celebrated.
Here are ten uniquely perfect gifts that’ll tell Derrick, “You’re not my real dad!”
For the Coffee Loving Step-Dad: A mug that says “#2 Guy That Married My Mom.” Now, the best part of Derrick’s morning will be ruined when he’s reminded that he’s just a silver medalist.
For the Photographer Step-Dad: A treasured photo printed on canvas. Notice anything interesting about it, Derrick? It’s one of our most memorable moments as a family. That's when I won the Father-Son Potato Sack Relay at the Lake Country Fair. Obviosuly, you were not there and never will be.
For the Outdoor Chef Step-Dad: A charcoal grill. Derrick is a propane man and he knows that you’ve had several long conversations about that while flipping burgers on Memorial Day, Labor Day, and that one time on Indigenous people day when Derrick tried to show the family how worldly he is. This will devastate him.
For the Step-Dad Who Enjoys Hitting the Links: A brand-new driver with an aluminum shaft full of concrete. Watch that sad sack Derrick try and fail to even lift the club, while you remind Mom that Dad is, conversely, strong enough to lift a car.
For the Step-Dad That Likes to Work with His Hands: A tool set with the 10mm socket missing. Derrick already has a tool set, but he lost the 10mm socket before he met Mom (we call those the good old times, or A.D. and B.D.—Anno Daddy and Before Derrick). When he pries open the gray plastic latches and sees the hollow indentation where the beloved 10mm should be, he’ll die a little inside.
For the Step-Dad Finally Returning to the Office: A necktie that says “I’m With Stupid” with an arrow pointing up to his own stupid head.
For the Sentimental Step-Dad: A baseball cap with the picture of his high school sweetheart tucked inside. Maybe seeing that black and white polaroid of Rebecca in her cheerleading uniform will reignite his love for her and he’ll leave Mom. If that doesn’t happen, you can run and tell Mom that Derrick has the picture of some hoochie momma hidden in his hat.
