Psychic Misplaces Tarot Deck, Reads Client With 'Cards Against Humanity'

QUEENS, NY—Last Friday, Marcella Rivera thought she was going in for a routine tarot reading and was stunned to see her future read with a dusty Cards Against Humanity deck.

“I’ve gone to Madam Clair Voyance for years now and she’s always used the classic Rider-Waithe deck but all of a sudden she’s telling me that I’ve got 99 problems but giving a dolphin a hand job for science ain’t one and it’s like, yeah, I sure hope not! Where would I even find a dolphin in Queens?” 

Other regulars are reporting that they’ve been receiving some weirdly specific and sometimes offensive readings too. It appears that the psychic lost her tarot deck and in a moment of desperation grabbed her son’s Cards Against Humanity deck. More stunningly, locals are also reporting that the psychic doesn't even own a single expansion pack.

When we reached out to Voyance, she asked us if “Auschwitz” or “Lance Armstrong’s missing testicles” mean anything to us.