Now What? White Boss Randomly Announces She’s 13% Latina

DES PLAINES, IL—The Great Resignation is sweeping the nation, forcing employers to address questionable industry practices. PSA from the little guy to Big Business: face the music or step aside! Krista Blake, president of suburban nonprofit Charitas, gets it. After a staff meeting where her employees brought up concerns about inadequate pay, Blake spoke up.

“I totally hear you! I’m 13% Latina!"

O, Frabjus Day! An unstoppable force (Blake) has eliminated an immovable object (deeply embedded systemic issues). Now, Des Plaines charts a course for a bright new future. But what’s next for this woman of mostly German ancestry who singlehandedly did what centuries of activism could not? Blake detailed her plans for improvements to the organization in our exclusive interview.

“Our employees have repeatedly asked for comprehensive anti-harassment training," said Blake as she hung up a framed poster of Frida Kahlo. "So, effective immediately, everyone must watch Wild Wild West as many times as they can within a 24-hour window.”

That’s not to say that a culture of immediacy has any home at Charitas. In addition to her Latinidad, Blake prides herself on the organization's revolutionary hybrid work system. Full-time employees may work from home one day of the week, provided they give three months’ notice, and they get to spend that entire day watching a pre-recorded webinar where Blake explains how to say “empanadas.”

For Blake, who once met someone with depression, this is about bringing EDI and mental health resources to the workplace.

“Mental health and representation are no joke," said Blake as she hung up a framed poster of Selena. "Once I told the board that my great-grandmother was half-Mexican, they agreed to replace everyone’s crummy old desks with a single treadmill desk for me.”

Of course, Blake isn’t the only one with good news. Edwin Rodriguez, Charitas’s longest working employee, was set to retire after fifty years of work. But, after Blake came out, he had a change of heart.

“Remembering that she sometimes listens to Ricky Martin really put my career into perspective, so I'm staying on! Ten more years!”