Halter Top Only Thing Pulling Its Weight Around Here

MIAMI, FL—After being purchased at a local TJ Maxx, a stunning powder blue halter top was taken home to a living situation that proved less than ideal.

The top expected to be taken home to a new life of beach days, sipping iced coffee with the girls, and maybe even going to second base with the hottie next door. Instead, it arrived at a house with five roommates, seven dogs, and a busted dish sponge that hasn’t been changed out in over two years. The house smells like Smirnoff and passive-aggressive behavior. It was later confirmed that not a single bar of deodorant could be found on the premises.

After 3 months of living in these conditions, it became apparent that not a single person pays rent on time and that the halter top is the only thing pulling its weight around here. Even though the halter has been carrying around substantial double Ds (one with a nipple ring, even), it still took on the part-time job of being a backup workout top when all the sports bras are dirty.