'People Need To Educate Themselves,' Says Anti-Vax Mom In Essential Oil Facebook Group

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—In a furious 2 AM social media post, Janet Harrison laid out her 10-point argument for a better-educated populace in Petal to the Metal, a 3000-member essential oil Facebook group.

“I think this country needs a complete overhaul of its system from top to bottom. I cannot believe what people are putting into their bodies,” she posted, double fisting wine and a coriander nasal spray.

Janet spends much of her day on Facebook, mostly posts online about how the next Q drop will change everything, and that vaccines are a government plot. But this particular rant will change minds, she thought.

“It’s got so many shares, and you know that’s what moves people. It’s not speeches or talking down to people. It’s hitting that like button!” she said proudly, packing her newest overstocked line of Lavender Chemotherapy Oil. “I don’t understand how people will just fall for anything these days. Like, people just have no critical thinking skills! That’s what I always tell my three living children, Creighdon, Breindon, and Annalaken. You have to think and research!”

She points out that none of her three weird-looking children have ever had a needle near them.

“And yea it may have cost them a public school education, but my friend is running her own very uncredited homeschool out of her lanai, and you bet your ass I enrolled them as soon as I could.” 

Petal to the Metal is an essential oil company promoting the “essential oil lifestyle” whose members are responsible for monthly sales and recruiting new downstream members. Janet Harrison is considered a “proctor” which means that she has essential oil clout.

“I’m getting like 20 some likes every time I post, ok?" said one low-level follower, referred to in the group as Peons. "When Janet speaks, people listen!”