Oh Well, It's ___ Season! A List Of Antisocial Behaviors You Can Blame On Your Sign
It's not your fault its____ season.
Aries: Most say that your road rage is holding the neighborhood hostage, but they don’t understand that your passion and determination cannot be restrained by a mere 20mph.
Taurus: Are you actually a perverse glutton? Or just dedicated to the simple pleasures of life? Either way, you have a whole list of sensitive water signs that aren’t invited to your next cake-sitting orgy.
Gemini: “Two-Faced” is thrown around a lot, so we aren’t going to say it. But one should note, that identity theft makes you at least four- or even five-faced. There are better ways to explore and flex your social prowess.
Cancer: Your intuition and loyalty are your greatest traits. Unfortunately, you know too much about your crew and they fear your versatile mood swings. A blackmail folder on all of your friends isn’t creepy and manipulative, it's just a way to showcase your nostalgia for the early days.
Leo: Some would say you’re vain, arrogant and at times intrusive, but that has nothing to do with the nude self-portrait you painted on the side of your house. You’re bringing your unique sense of creativity to the neighborhood with a hot conversation topic.
Virgo: You’re not a workaholic, you’re dedicated. You’re not judgemental, you’re opinionated. You’re not assembling a shadowy cabal to shape the world into your image, you’re just expanding your helpful sense of order to a wider audience.
Libra: Revel in the fact that your partner looks great in your matching designer outfits. This isn’t codependence, it's a “balanced relationship”.
Scorpio: (Editor’s note: The author of this article refused to lampoon Scorpios for undisclosed reasons. Quote: “I have nothing bad to say about Scorpios. Y'all keep doing your thing. Your scary, scary thing. Please return my family safely, I beg.”)
Sagittarius: Sagittarians! It must be nice to live a life so free of commitments. Let’s hope that saying what's on your mind works out for you and your unpaid alimony in family court.
Capricorn: (Editor’s Note: The Capricorn lobby gave the author of this article a fancy embroidered check to leave their know-it-all asses out of this scathing article.)
Aquarius: Oh Aquarians, so quirky, so random, so...unique! Though your commitment to re-inventing yourself is admirable, faking your death and assuming a new identity every few years isn’t the best way to create space in your relationships.
Pisces: You can stop crying about the fire at your exhibit, of course, you weren’t paying attention. We know. You know that we know.
Ophiuchus: No one wants you here Ophiuchus, fuck off.
