New Microchip Allows Deceased Kevin Samuels To Live On In Women's Minds Rent Free

ATLANTA, GA—Many were shocked by the sudden passing of controversial Youtuber Kevin Samuels. Everyone except for one particular stan who had been preparing for that fateful day. Dr. Idaho Tep, 45, a scientist in nanotechnology (and a frequent TA for African Studies courses) has invented a revolutionary way to keep the critically acclaimed internet personality alive and well for his devoted fans and more importantly: his haters.  

“I actually talked to Kevin the day before he passed,” explained Dr. Tep as he inspected his receding hairline. “He really loved his work and thought it was important that his legacy lives on. From my research, it seems women, in particular, loved talking about him and his theories, so I can only surmise that women love Kevin Samuels and want to remember him forever."

To create this possibility, Dr. Tep used state-of-the-art biotech to develop a microchip that inserts directly into the user's brain through the nostril. Once inserted, the microchip receives video and audio waves from a connected app so that fans can endlessly re-watch Samuels' content in their mind. Now, people can continue to hear Samuels do what he does best: let women know they’re a six at best.

The app, Rent Free—available in the App Store—comes with several of Samuel's most popular motivational speeches. The content includes such classics as "No Man Wants A Whale To Tie Down,” "Thirty-Five Is Too Old To Be A Woman," and a fan favorite: "The More Children You Have, The Less Value You Have To Men."

“I even added the episode of Atlanta he's on,” Dr. Tep said proudly, deciding to put the fitted on since his hairline was looking busted. "Now the females can have Kevin and Donald Glover in their mind. What more could they want?”