Bunsen, Beaker Given FBI Security After Credible Death Threats From CPAC Speakers
LOS ANGELES, CA—Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Mr. Beaker, esteemed scientists famous from the Muppets TV series and movies, are on a high-security watch after having received what the FBI considers to be credible death threats. The threats started and have escalated in ferocity during the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) event held in Budapest this week.
Special highly-armed FBI security units have been closely guarding the scientists and their families around the clock. The unit also recruited Animal, well-known for his wild card behavior, and Sweetmums, the six-foot-ten shaggy muppet, to ward off would-be assassins. Both muppets have been equipped with heavy body armor and Uzis with laser scopes and drum sticks for Animal.
When asked to comment on the threats, such promises to “rid the world of woke science,” Dr. Bunsen said, “the members of this angry group owe their lives to the many life-saving medicines science has provided. Any means they might use to harm either Mr. Beaker or myself in the name of avenging science would be a rebuke and capitulation of their very movement. Even a simple stick is a lever and a tested scientific tool. Forsaking any technology whatsoever to kill us means they are doomed to failure.”
Piggybacking on Bunsen's response, Mr. Beaker mournfully squeaked, “me-mo-me-mo!” He had no other comment at press time.
In spite of Dr. Bunsen’s nonchalance, a dozen or so of the FBI agents remained on high alert outside his home with the highly-trained agents carrying semi-automatic firearms at their side and equipped with helmets and heavy body armor. A similar scene has been taking place in front of Beaker’s home. Even long-time friend Kermit the Frog was tackled violently to the ground and arrested for just approaching Beaker's home. He is currently in the ICU but in stable condition.
Meanwhile, the incels, the fastest-growing contingent of CPAC since the “Trump that Bitch!” movement, have been expressing their readiness for action after hearing the inspiring words of Donald Trump Jr.
“Every day the scientists change what they’re saying, but never admit to failure with their fake news of viruses or the Earth warming, what have you! But the good news is that the American people are onto them! Also, I don't think Miss Piggy is that hot. I'm just gonna say it!”
