Oh No! Gerald From Hey Arnold Is A GOP Lobbyist
How’d this happen?
Gerald, the cool black kid from Hey Arnold! is now a GOP lobbyist and has been explicitly linked with facilitating the “bundling” of Trump’s 2020 fundraising. Unbelievable! And, the whole time he did it in that rad red sweater and dope as shit high top fade.
Anonymous constituents of Gerald have remarked that he’s tenacious, staunchly conservative, and has actively phoned in multiple bomb threats to the local Planned Parenthood. When asked if Gerald voted for Trump, they said he “definitely didn’t vote for ‘Killary.’” Childhood ruined.
“Oh yeah, nobody knew the truth about him,” says longtime co-star Arnold. “I remember in between takes, he’d keep rubbing his nipples while raving about the Bush administration. He’d even long for the AIDS denial of the Reagan era, which was crazy because we were like seven years old then.”
According to series creator Craig Bartlett, Gerald even tried to pitch “politically divisive” episodes:
“Yeah. He wanted us to do an episode where we addressed the Gulf War of 1991 and then somehow tied it in with a B-Plot about the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski. I told him there weren’t much laughs in it and he called me a ‘little PETA bitch.’ But his comedic timing was incredible.”
As of press time, Gerald had just discovered this article’s impending publication — he phoned the FLEXX offices to label us “soy boys” and subsequently SWAT’d us.