New Herb Garden Overshadowed by Samyang Hot Chicken Ramen Seasoning Packet
All across the country, long-awaited herb gardens finally make their kitchen debut only to be swiftly humiliated by one single Samyang Hot Chicken Ramen seasoning packet.
The Basil, the Chives and the Thyme - the Titans of the Home Garden - falsely believe that they alone provide the piece that’s been missing from this kitchen all these years: the color green.
With their ambitious trimmings, they spruce up daily staples like cheese pizza, bagel bites, and leftover white rice. The herbs believe themselves to be saviors, gods among mortals basking in the sun, believing they easily elevate any dish in their path - until they meet a Samyang Hot Chicken Ramen seasoning packet.
Admittedly, the bare ramen can sparsely compete. However, when accompanied by a seasoning packet, a spicy sauce, and a salty garnish, it scoffs at the mere suggestion of sharing the limelight with so-called "fresh herbs." Those bitch-ass little leaves are no match for the raw, sexual energy of the Seasoning Packet.
A tsunami of spices rains down on the ramen, cascading over every wavy, desperate noodle. In the very same bowl, if you can believe it, shitty ass sprigs and leaves become embroiled in a whirlpool of shame. How could they even think for a goddamn second that they would shine in this dish? How could they be so fucking ignorant?
When the tumultuous storm clouds subside, the ragged herbs reemerge at the surface, lifeless and defeated. As a final act of mercy, they are picked out of the pot and thrown into the garbage where they belong, leaving no mark of their existence behind them. Their struggle will be quickly forgotten. They are pathetic.
Dethroned from their pretentious seat on the window sill, the herbs shrivel from disgrace and hope they can redeem themselves against the next challenger: boxed mac and cheese. If not, that fight will likely be their last. The Basil, on the other hand, looks towards greener pastures, where it dreams of one day being utterly dominated by garlic and pine nuts in a future pesto. The Basil has accepted its role as the filthy sub in this orgy of flavor.
