Man Recalls Every Detail Of '97 NBA Championship, Unsure If He Pulled Out Before Ejaculating Just Now

Mar 2

Mar 2 Man Recalls Every Detail Of '97 NBA Championship, Unsure If He Pulled Out Before Ejaculating Just Now

BROOKLYN, NY—Last night, after long-time friends Tyler Brown and Anna Fulton hooked up, Brown struggled to remember whether he pulled out on time.

“I usually have an exceptional memory,” said Brown while sitting ass-naked on the edge of Fulton’s bed trying to not make eye contact with her. “I can tell you what I had for breakfast, lunch, and that Michael Jordan scored 39 points and had four assists in Game Six of the '97 NBA championships. Wild game, I can tell you every single hair color Rodman had for that series too! Impressive, right?”

Brown who has always been boastful about his ability to remember key details of major NBA, NHL, and NFL games was stunned when he couldn’t remember if he had pulled out of Fulton before ejaculating or if he had accidentally blasted inside Fulton as he was pulling out.

“When she asked if I pulled out on time my mind just went blank. I have never been unsure of anything! I even knew that Jordan was going to pass to Steve Kerr in Game Six probably even before Jordan did!” said Brown as he recreated the iconic image of Pippen and Jordan embracing after the infamous "flu game" with a collage of hundreds of unused condoms he definitely had in his backpack at the time of the incident.

“All I remember is that everything felt amazing and then all of a sudden I'm being asked all these questions like, ‘wait, you pulled out, right?,' 'Tyler, you told me you always pull out on time,’ and ‘do I need to take Plan B? Ugh this was a bad idea.’” said Brown as he watched Game Five of the '97 Championship Game on his phone as he walked to Duane Reade to buy Plan B. “Honestly, you don’t even need the commentary, I can tell you exactly what’s going to happen, second to second.”

Although Brown is unsure of why he can’t remember such an important detail, he is certain that this is a one-time mistake.

“I’m positive this won’t happen again. The last time I forgot something so important was a few years ago when I couldn’t figure out what year Jordan played baseball and now I yell 1994 when someone asks,” Brown said as he filled his cart with gum, chips, and beer. “Sweet, I think I got everything we need for the rest of the night. I don’t think I am forgetting anything.”