Madden 21 Makes Kaepernick Playable Character As Long As He's Played Through 'Proper Channels'

In a remarkable showing of solidarity, EA Sports has decided to add activist and former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick into its newest game, Madden 21.

Yes, despite the 6-foot-4, competent, capable, handsome, and healthy quarterback not being rostered on any current NFL team since 2016, the Madden 21 developers said, “Here’s a bone, you guys! Put him on any team you want!” And that’s exactly what I did. Here are some of my findings.

For starters, adding Kap to a team wasn’t as simple as presented. On paper, it was a simple choice and a few button clicks, however, the developers failed to disclose that I would first have to answer a series of probing questions. These questions ranged from “Can I see what you would look like draped in this American flag?” to “Do you plan on doing anything with all of that hair?”

To make matters worse, these questions were asked by a white general manager character. At least I think the character was a general manager, as the character never felt the need to state who he was beyond the fact that he was both white and in a suit.

Once I stumbled through that section, I was presented with yet another hurdle, The Physical Challenge. Initially, I thought nothing of it. Events like this are normal in most sports games, it might even be fun; I'd have Colin run the 40, throw a few passes, or maybe even have a full scrimmage.

Nope!

They were actual physical challenges from Nickelodeon’s Double Dare. The most demeaning of which was having Colin wear oversized clown pants while red state football fans tossed banana cream pies at him. After enduring all of that, I finally was able to add Colin Kaepernick to the team of my choice!

I opted to go a step further and chose to add Colin to all 32 NFL teams to simulate an entire season with each team. I wasn’t the least bit surprised that Colin was able to take each of the 32 teams to the playoffs proving that even digitally, Colin Kaepernick should have a job in the NFL.

I also wasn’t surprised that Colin was inexplicably dropped by each team before the first playoff game & replaced with an 8-year journeyman quarterback. I think his name was Clint or something.