Kylie Responds To Criticism: 'One Of My Best Private Jets Is Black'

CALABASAS, CA—Following the release of data showing that many celebrities are racking up huge carbon emission totals by using their private jets for short flights, Kylie Jenner (whose jet made 64 flights totalling nearly 1700 tonnes of CO2 this year), has responded to criticism from environmental groups.

“One of my favorite, most longtime private jets is black,” said the 25-year-old entrepreneur and model. “I pride myself on maintaining a diversity of private jets that are available to me at any second, in case I don't feel like paying for street parking. White, brown, black, yellow, the point is I have at least four different private jets, one of which I only use to store the food that I eat on the other three private jets.”

Jenner, who faced a public backlash for taking her jet from Van Nuys, CA, to Camarillo, CA (a half-hour journey by car), stated that the public simply did not understand her values.

“I am giving underprivileged black private jets a chance to make something of themselves,” said Kylie. “I am giving smaller black charter planes across the country the chance to see one of their brothers in the air, flying proud as I use it to carry the wallet I left at home. Black private jets are strong. They are beautiful, and they mean I never ever have to interact with someone who makes less than ten million dollars a year.”

Jenner then continued, saying that she had had this private jet since she was ten years old, despite growing up in an area predominantly filled with white private jets.

“It’s one of my most treasured possessions," she explained as she boarded her jet. "I couldn’t imagine going to Staples Center or the dog spa or Walgreens without it.”

While the private jet did not respond when reached for comment, onlookers in the LA area did report a sound that resembled a very weary sigh as the plane made its last journey towards a Sugarfish that Travis and Kylie had closed down for date night.