Ivy League Demanding Full-Time Tuition For None Of The Campus Microaggressions
The Ivies have announced their plans for reopening during the 2020-2021 academic year, with mostly-remote learning and a limited percent of the study body returning to campus in the fall. Minus the room and board fees for students studying remotely, the tuition costs will not be reduced. Not only will students be paying full tuition without receiving in-person classes, but they will be paying full tuition without receiving any of the on-campus microaggressions that would normally occur at an elite university packed with members of the 1%.
“I really emotionally prepared myself to deal with the racist heirs and heiresses at my school, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore,” says Julia Vargas, a sophomore at Harvard. “Now, if some rich little shit says some inaccurate bullshit about cancel culture and affirmative action during a class discussion, I can just mute Zoom. The experience just isn’t the same.”
Many students are criticizing the choice to charge full tuition, which—despite already being exorbitant—is not worth it without the in-person class instruction, in-person extracurricular activities, in-person social life, and in-person glare from some girl named Chloe who thinks you’re “typing too loud” and who calls the library “her country, God’s country.”
“If I can’t roll my eyes into the back of my head while Bill Gates’ kid recites a poem she tried writing in AAVE as an 'epistemological project' on a collapsible podium on The Quad, then why am I going into debt to be here?” says Alexis Brown, an incoming senior at Yale.
Some students will be back on campus in the fall, which means the chance for microaggressions hopefully isn’t zero. Still, the CDC recommends that all microaggressions must adhere to proper social distancing guidelines.
“Being at Princeton as a low-income student is hard enough,” says Leah Gupta, a student who will be returning to campus in the fall. “But now you're telling me that my classmates will be saying that systemic racism is fake while ordering breakfast caviar from six feet away? What’s the point of going to an elite university if I’m not even going to come away with a well-rounded trauma experience?”
As of press time, professors are working together to find the best way to fill the gap by slipping in “the canon isn’t too white because Toni Morrison is in it” into every video lecture.
