Game Of Thrones Finale Recap: Nobody Fucked On The Throne???

Game of Thrones ended its run on HBO last Sunday and fans were furious with the finale—because nobody fucked on the throne. 

Fans predicted that Jon Snow was The Prince Who Was Promised. He seemed destined for a higher purpose, and while many thought it was to kill the Night King, other scholars speculated that he returned from the dead for one purpose only: to fuck on the iron throne.

“All the signs were just kind of there,” said longtime fan Drew McClusky. “There’s even that whole arc in season four where Jon keeps saying, ‘Imma nut on that throne,’ but the writers just kinda dropped that plot I guess.” 

Fans are also disappointed with the last minute characterization of Daenerys. After years of making her a complex and heroic icon, the writers threw it all away by, you guessed it, not having her fuck on the throne. There was a brief moment of excitement in her and Jon’s final embrace, but alas, nothing happened. Critics can’t help but point out that if more women were in the writing room, she would have definitely fucked on that damn throne. 

There was a moment when Tyrion moved some fancy chairs around, but nothing really happened. There was no fucking then either. 

“When Drogon burned down the throne,” explains TV journalist Sandra Blatt, “It was the show runners telling us to our face that we were wrong. I honestly felt disrespected.”

Disappointed fans started an online petition to remake Season 8—demanding HBO to rectify this situation. 

George R.R. Martin even weighed in saying, “Yeah, mine is definitely going to have some fucking on the throne. It’s only logical.”