New Genetic Test Determines Ethnicity By The Color Of Nips
A New Genetic Test from biotech company Genenip determines ethnicity by the color of one’s nipples.
The cutting edge San Diego company unleashed a new kit that require ‘titty selfies’ for data analysis.
Critics decried the test, stating that the color of one’s nips has little to do with ethnicity and undue focus on nipple color is a ‘fuck boy porn fetish’ that upholds racist and sexist cultural norms.
White male scientists disagreed. “Send us pics of your titties.”
When questioned on how determining nipple color by sight qualifies as a genetic test, Head Scientist and CEO, Dr. Briggs responded, “We see color at Genenip so that you don’t see color, nipples are the rainbows of life.”
Dr. Briggs’ response in no way answered the question, and in fact, raised more questions. Although overall, most of the overwhelmingly white male financial backers were impressed by the data — which featured slide after slide of big ass areolas.
During the beta testing phase, Flexx Reporter Milly Tamarez sent in multiple unsolicited pictures of her breasts and the results came back conclusive, “delicious” and “kind of hispanic.”
“I trust Dr. Briggs’ work.” responded an investor. “He went to Stanford and he wears black turtlenecks.”
“This isn’t real science,” protested Dr. Marcela Hernandez, who sat in disbelief during the presentation. “It’s collecting porn from gullible people and what’s to stop them from selling your information the way DNA ancestry companies do? This is total bullshit.”
But none of the white male scientists in the room listened to Dr. Hernandez’s feedback, although one used her point later on in a private conversation, without crediting her logic.
According to The New York Times, Dr. Briggs will receive the McCarthy genius award in June for his break through ‘nipple data analysis’ work — a scientific term for ‘conning people with fake science.’