Ezra Miller Added To Official List Of Cryptids

EARTH—Cryptozoologists worldwide are celebrating the recent addition of former actor Ezra Miller to the official list of cryptids, the first major addition to the coveted list in a decade.

Miller's recent chaotic and problematic behavior has shot them to the top of the list, creating an aura of danger and mystic around them akin to cryptozoology and other pseudosciences: ghost hunting, ufology, and many more.

"I think the Ezra is a perfect addition to the list," said Jamal Wilkins, 28, a New Hanover native and one of the foremost experts on the Jersey Devil, a bipedal kangaroo-like creature said to inhabit the forest of Pine Barrens in South Jersey. "All my life, I've been terrified of the Jersey Devil, but after what The Ezra did in Hawaii, I've been terrified of them showing up in my wooded backyard."

The Ezra will join the ranks of such legendary creatures such as Bigfoot, Yeti, the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Mokele-mbembe. Their official description will be: "a bipedal actor with sharp angular features who may be seen stealing things.“ Though, they will differ from their cryptid counterparts by not having a designated purported location after being spotted all over the world.

"I saw The Ezra just outside Warren," says Vermont native Geraldine Worcher, 53. "I have a grainy photo of them about 200 yards out, hiding behind some brush. They were wearing their old Flash costume. I swear! Where did I put that photo?"