Eric Bieniemy Announces Bid For Presidency To Prove His Qualification For An NFL Head Coaching Job
KANSAS CITY, MO—After another year of being passed on for an NFL head coaching job, Chiefs offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy has announced his bid for President to prove that he could succeed as a coach for an NFL team.
“He’s been the lead coordinator on the best offense for the last four years and has won two Super Bowls, but we need to see more,” one anonymous GM stated. “Calling plays and managing game situations is different from being a coordinator. I need to see how well he can balance the budget and how tough he is with Kim Jong-un before I can trust him to lead a team to a Wild Card round.”
Many of Bieniemy’s detractors theorize that Bieniemy suffers from being in the shadow of head coach Andy Reid and question his actual role in the team’s success.
“Yes, Patrick Mahomes and Coach Reid himself have stated on numerous occasions that Bieniemy calls plays and is responsible for much of the creativeness of the offense, but I’m not so sure. I need to hear it from someone else,” said an anonymous team executive. “Proving that he can lead a nation of 330 million will possibly help dispel questions of his actual involvement”
Others have pointed to off-the-field reasons for Bieniemy’s failure at securing a coaching job.
“He has a checkered past, to say the least,” says Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslem. “I couldn’t in good faith trust a man who’s been accused of what he’s been accused of to lead my team, let alone be President of the United States.” Colts Owner Jim Irsay added “His DUI over 20 years ago played a role in my decision to go elsewhere. I’m not sure if I could rely on someone who makes such reckless decisions.”
Despite all this, NFL executives are excited to keep an eye on Bieniemy’s campaign run. His ability to galvanize a party should convince some that he can do the same for a locker room and give him a slightly better chance in the next round of coaching hires.
When confronted with the fact that many white coordinators in similar situations and much less success have gotten head coaching jobs, one NFL GM adamantly denied the insinuation that Bieniemy having to overcome more obstacles was a race issue stating “Those were different”.
When asked to expound on the difference, he then paused for 10 seconds before adding “It just is”
