Deteriorating Health Leaving Dianne Feinstein Unable To Remember All Six Members Of G-Unit

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Following recent reports of Senator Dianne Feinstein’s (D-CA) ailing health, which has caused major delays to the confirmation of Democratic judges and general Senate business critical to the Biden administration’s agenda, aides close to the longtime Senator have indicated they are most concerned by her growing inability to remember all six members of East Coast rap group G-Unit. 

“She used to be able to list them all at the drop of a hat,” said Senator Feinstein’s Deputy Chief of Staff, Lenny Maltby. “And she often did, especially when she was meant to be considering bills such as universal healthcare or curbing police budgets. Now, she struggles to remember that Kidd Kidd came into the crew when Young Buck rejoined. It’s sad and a real worry for such a titan of American politics.”

“If you asked her to even talk about the group in general terms, she’d probably just wave a hand and say 50 Cent and The Game of course," added Communications Director Ellen Slaint. "She can barely even remember Tony Yayo or Lloyd Banks—and they were founding members. You can tell she’s just kind of winging it based on Source profiles she barely even recollects.”

While reports indicate that Feinstein is still able to sign off on key policy platforms and beliefs such as student debt forgiveness for founders of tech start-ups, and increased border controls during Pride Month, Feinstein’s forgetfulness clearly poses a growing issue for the Democratic caucus, although some insist she is still capable of exercising her duties.

“Talk to me when she can’t even sing the chorus to ‘Hate It or Love It’,” declared Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA). “Otherwise, she can still be there, propped up in a chair listening to Weezy freestyles.”