The Dems Have Heard Your Healthcare Concerns, And Is Willing To Offer You One Single Advil Laid Upon A Pride Flag

WASHINGTON, D.C.—With the 2022 midterms soon approaching, and the Democrats fearing a backlash to the lack of policies they have enacted in their two years in power, many D.C. insiders have suggested that the party is looking for something to help create a blue wave.

Now, they may have found it, with Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Schumer giving a joint press conference announcing that, to combat rising healthcare costs, the Dems will offer voters a single Advil ceremonially wrapped in a Pride flag.

“We support the diversity of this great nation,” said Pelosi, “and we want you to know we see you, and we hear you. Minorities, the LGBTQ+ movement, and the working class are crying out for representation. And we will give you the one Advil you desire, as well as a Democrats x Taco Bell Nacho Quesarito, placed on a traditional kente cloth, a $5 credit towards any Starbucks purchase if you say your name is ‘Trans Rights’ on the cup, and 1000 new voting booths across the country that are stamped with ‘This Vote Kills Fascists’, the use of which will result in 30 years in prison due to new Supreme Court guidelines.”

The policy announcement was focus-tested by 100 million dollars worth of consultants. It also puts aside $50 for families of four or more to fight rising gas and energy prices, provided they can prove that they have at some point in the past four years responded to a Ron DeSantis tweet with, “Uhhhhhh, read the Constitution much???!”