Gov. Hochul Announces Plan To Put Cop On Every Corner, Cop With Gun In Every Home

ALBANY, NY—Following much public and political pressure on her governorship, Gov. Kathy Hochul has announced a new plan to tackle the rising crime all across New York: A Cop on Every Corner, And A Cop with a Gun In Every Home.

The Governor’s offices indicated to reporters that the new plan would seek to cut off possible crimes at the source, and put people far more likely to commit crimes in positions where they were most needed.

The proposed plan, which would see all eligible police officers be able to claim five ‘roaming’ hours of overtime a week, would place an armed officer on every street corner, ready and waiting to act upon fare evaders, children selling candy, and people talking back to them.

Additionally, all homes in the New York City area would now have a police officer assigned to them, whose responsibility would be to fire indiscriminately around the house any time a perceived threat was felt.

While many citizens were concerned about possible police overreach as a result of the plan, Gov. Hochul assured New Yorkers that most cops were firing their guns indiscriminately as innocent targets anyway, so citizens would not feel any noticeable difference.

Precinct captain Nick Manicotti added, “New Yorkers need to feel safe, and the only thing that makes that possible is a squad of 20 guys who barely passed the Presidential Fitness Test being given enough ammunition to fund a small nation," said precinct captain Nick Manicotti as he tasered a churro lady on the A train platform. "Kathy Hochul understands that, and that’s why our precinct gave her $250,000 in donations. My officers intend to be everywhere in this city, protecting the innocent and screaming in fear whenever someone doesn’t immediately thank them for their service.”

Added Gov. Hochul: “This policy allows New Yorkers to live free of fear unless they are within 20 feet of a cop. Which they all will be.”