Voting System Error Causes Andrea Riseborough To Be Selected For NBA All-Star Game

LOS ANGELES, CA—Following a possible error in the Academy voting software, it has been announced that actor Andrea Riseborough will start in her first NBA All-Star Game this coming week, having received enough votes to take her place in the East’s starting backcourt, replacing Donovan Mitchell.

The 41-year-old Englishwoman, who has done subtle and moving work in Happy-Go-Lucky, Never Let Me Go, and Battle of the Sexes, and who has never held a basketball, was shocked and delighted, stating to the press that, “It’s an honor just to be nominated.”

The issue appears to have arisen from the much-criticized campaign for Riseborough’s film To Leslie, which revolved around personal appeals from the actor’s famous friends.

“Kate Winslet called me and just said, 'VOTE!'”, said Lebron James. “And you know I love Titanic. So I made a call to the league office and yelled 'VOTE!' They usually follow my directions.”

“Olivia Colman sent a horse’s head to my crib with a note that said, 'You know what to do,'” added Celtics forward Jayson Tatum. “While I did not understand what she meant, I had the All-Star voting open in a tab and clicked it. I’m excited to see what Miss Riseborough can do on offense, especially since she’ll be getting lobs from Devin Booker.”

In return, to ensure that there are five nominees represented at Hollywood’s biggest night, Riseborough will be replaced by Knicks point guard Jalen Brunson, who has in turn been flown to Turkey to continue the filming of Gallipoli, a stirring wartime drama about nurses stationed at a field hospital during World War I.

“I haven’t really acted since middle school,” said Brunson, reading through his script. “But I can tell you that David O. Russell screams way less than Coach Thibs does.”