Collegiate Pro Wrestler Unsure If He's Getting Exploited Or Not

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Local college student and pro wrestler, John Stone, 20, has reported mild confusion as to whether he is getting economically exploited or not.

“I was thinking about college football and basketball players getting ripped off by schools profiting big from sports, and then I wondered if that was also happening to me on my college’s pro wrestling team,” said Stone, a two-time All American for his run at Minnesota as Dr. Doomstruction. “If I was on my school's college wrestling team, then I would know that I'm an amateur wrestler and my labor on behalf of the University of Minnesota was being insufficiently rewarded relative to the direct and indirect profit that my labor has created for the school. But I'm an amateur pro wrestler in college, not an amateur collegiate wrestler in college. So, I guess what I'm trying to figure out is: am I wrestling for pay in an equitable system, or am I chattel in an exploitative one?”

Inquiries directed to the school’s administration failed to shed any light on the issue.

“It’s essential for a future pro wrestler to hone their skills as a pro wrestler in college-level pro wrestling,” said University of Minnesota athletic director Eleanor Horton in advance of the school competing in the upcoming NCAASS-Kicking pay-per-view. “But the sanctity of pro wrestling must not be tainted by the corrupting influence of monetary compensation. Or by the corrupting influence of monetary compensation’s absence. It’s one or the other.”

Others also expressed uncertainty about whether college pro wrestlers like Stone are the victims they purport to be unsure they are.

“I don’t know, man,” said Eddie Ojeda, a longtime fan who suffered various backyard college pro wrestling injuries as a boy. “What about Dr. Doomstruction’s manager? Is he actually managing Dr. Doomstruction, in which case it’s legit wrestling but Dr. Doomstruction is getting paid and therefore he’s committing violations? Or is he 'managing' The Doomman, in which case he is getting paid but there are no violations because it’s legit pro wrestling and not legit-legit wrestling? Shit. I have qualms. About what is even going on."

There was, however, one thing that all parties agreed upon: that upon turning pro, pro wrestlers do not make any money.