Biden Transition Announces Emergency Taskforce To Revitalize Krump Industry

FRESNO, CA—As the President-Elect and Vice Presidential-Elect Joe Biden and Kamala Harris head into the final weeks until the January 20th Inauguration, the President-Elect's team has already been fast-tracking cabinet picks and formalizing plans to revitalize stagnant areas of the economy that have been heavily impacted by globalization and corporate offshoring of jobs including the Big Krumping Industrial Complex.

 “Vine really did us in, man," said a depressed Tommy the Clown, the original creator of the once-popular dance style of Krumping. "The Harlem Shake was the final death blow, and then we got our corpse mutilated cause of that got-damn Gangnam Style bullspit.” 

“We’re not like pop-lockin’, mind you. that industry is 100% dead, no doubt, but we need help”, he continued, as he krumped in a backyard to a crowd of no one.

Clowning, which originally began in South Central, L.A., was developed in direct response to the 1992 Rodney King riots and went on to evolve into the style of Krumping known today.

“We need help," stated krump master Tight Eyez. "And I hope ‘ol man Joe can do something for us." 

In a video Q&A late last week, President-Elect Joe Biden answered that question head-on.

“It’s called what now?" said a visibly confused Biden. “We’ll, uh, get right on it. Uhm, I’ll have Janet get right on it. Just, hang on, it’s called ‘Clunking’? Like clunking two coke bottles together, like the noise? I can promise you this: on day one, we’ll bring back clacking big time. I love The Klumps. Nutty Professor II."

It should be noted that Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris was reportedly rubbing her temples and sighing loudly during the entire exchange, with an aide speaking on the condition of anonymity, that she kept repeating “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”