Archaeologists Say Latest Mummy Discovery 'Cringe AF'

CAIRO, EGYPT—Frustrated that another day of excavating turned out to be “lowkey washed," a team of archaeologists confirmed on Monday that the mummies they had just discovered were “Cringe AF."

“Whatever we found today is just OD trash,” said chief archaeologist Dr. Margot Simon. "Totally mid findings. No cap, B."

After months of examination and research, Dr. Simon and her team found that the mummy they had unearthed must’ve been a pretty basic bitch.

“When I first had a look at what she was wearing, I wanted to yeet her across the desert,” said Trent Lynch, a member of the team specializing in mummified fabrics and textiles. “Like girl, you were probably a queen in your time but that weird poncho and bald-ass head only makes you look like Ru Paul."

The team thought that the artifacts found with the mummies were equally useless and nonsensical—a complete waste of time and grant money.

“Imagine spending your whole life thinking you’re a dope sculpture artist,” commented Dr. Simon, adjusting her Yankees fitted. “Only to then have your crafts rotting away in a busted pyramid with some other fools who wanted to flex their wealth even after dying. Seriously, bro, it's deadass!”