Dalai Lama Declares 'Material Possessions Are The Gateway To Sadness' After Amazon Package Not Delivered On Time

MCLEOD GANJ, INDIA—The Dalai Lama reportedly locked himself in his humble home after Amazon Prime failed to deliver his package on time. 

According to monks in the compound, his highness was visibly upset when the delivery window closed and the singing bowls he ordered on Amazon Prime were not waiting for him on the large rock by his door.

“They were half off and now they're back to full price!" he kept muttering to himself during his daily prayers.

"The universe is not on my side this week,” said one monk while trying to pull the Dalai Lama away from the one Dell in the region. 

“He’s been writing a very long manifesto about being bound to the material while trying desperately to find a 'contact' button on Amazon's site—which as we all know is a fool's errand, even for His Highness,” said the Dalai Lama's closest confidant while searching eBay for a knock off of the singing bowls. “He drafted a few angry tweets towards Amazon but then deleted and redrafted them to read as variations on the concept that materialism is the source of all anger and Twitter steals your soul. The usual stuff.”

The Dalai Lamas’ fellow monks hope that this situation teaches him a lesson. 

“He’s always talking about how praying and meditation are key but got caught up when he saw all the sales," said one monk watching the Dalai Lama stand outside his door looking in the horizon for an Amazon truck coming up the mountain. "He also signed up for Prime because of their one-day delivery promise (and to watch Jack Ryan.) He just feels taken advantage of."

“Hopefully he realizes we didn’t need singing bowls, more incense, or a poster of him in our prayer room,” said one monk while walking ten miles to the nearest neighbor to see if the package had accidentally been sent there. “This happens every time there's a holiday or weekend sale. Hopefully, he’ll finally take his own advice and stop buying stuff we don't need."