AG Barr: Trump Was In Bunker Planning to Produce Five Beats a Day for Three Summers
WASHINGTON — In a press briefing on Monday, Attorney General William P. Barr contradicted President Trump and confirmed that the president locked himself in an underground bunker with the intent to do produce five beats a day for three summers, starting this month. This news comes after President Trump insisted he was only down there for a routine inspection.
“The only thing the president was inspecting down there is how to download free VST plugins,” Barr said. “He’s got real heat coming out soon.”
Inspired by a lyric from Kanye West’s song “Spaceship,” Barr reveals that the president relates to many of the powerful lyrics aside from the five beats a day line.
“When Kanye said ‘Yeah I stole never got caught,’ the president could relate,” said Barr.
While rumors have swirled about the two collaborating, Barr remained tight lipped.
“What people have to realize is President Trump has people hitting him up every day for beats,” Barr said. “There’s no telling who you might hear over his tracks.”
In an interview with Fox and Friends, when asked to describe the kind of music Trump has been making, Barr pulled out a giant boombox and said: “I’ll do you one better.” He then began playing what sounded like someone slamming their head furiously against a piano, while metronome counted off in the background.
“That’s just a taste of what the president has been cooking up. We’re calling them Trump-type-beats. We’re still waiting on the president’s official invite from Kennybeats to join him on an episode of The Cave.”
When asked if they’re worried about the future songs becoming rallying cries for alt-right groups, Barr said, “Worried? No. Hopeful? Yes.”
