5 Little Black Dresses For You To Steal The Spotlight At Your Cousin's Funeral
So your cousin died or whatever and you’re sad of course, but you’re trying to focus on a bigger goal: how to turn heads at her funeral. Funerals can be wildly boring or just a plain bummer but not if you wear something that’ll have your second cousins talking about for years. (Can you date second cousins or does it have to be your third?) Check out these five adorbs types of LBDs that’ll get everyone focused less on your cousin’s tragic and darkly mysterious death and more on you being hot.
Halter Dress—Nothing says “I’m over my cousin’s death, let’s talk about my shoulders” like an adorable, sleek black halter dress. This dress exposes just the right amount of skin to get people talking but not so much that you disrespect your cousin that much and she ends up haunting you. But also why was she in the woods at that time of night anyway? Especially if the phone logs say she was 20 miles from the supposed spot of death. The story doesn't add up.
Spaghetti Strap—Show a little skin with an adorable 90s spaghetti strap throwback slip and get people asking “are you single?” instead of “did the park ranger call you too when it happened? Why would he call us and not the police?” This dress will leave people’s mouths gaping and not just because of all the open-mouth sobbing.
Tube Top—Sleeves be damned! A tube top LBD says you have confidence, you’re single and you already forgot your cousin died. This dress will bring the party to your cousin’s funeral and get people less focused on why your cousin had a nervous breakdown the night before the murder and confided in her ex-boyfriend and more on the funeral tequila!
Skin Tight—Who needs volume when your dress can stick to your body in all the right places? With a skin-tight LBD you will let people know: you’ve been hardcore dieting to get hot for this funeral and it better be legal for third cousins to hook up. Your third cousin Barnabus did ask you a lot of questions about how you’re coping so maybe he's into you...
See-Through/Sheer—Your cousin was kinda weird anyway and also getting a whole podcast about her unexplainable death (so dramatic) so why should this day be all about her? Make the moment yours gurl with a scene-stealing, see-through black dress that says, “I horny.” Barnabus will forget all about his "theories" about what happened and focus more on the task at hand: getting you out of the dress.
