"Yeet!" 4th Graders Not Reacting Well To Zoom Sex Ed.

Madison, WI—With many schools starting the year online, teachers have been doing everything they can to make the transition seamless and engaging for their students, but some are finding certain subjects harder to teach than others. 

Jenny Pfeiffer, a teacher at Woodbury Elementary School, has found her fourth-grade students aren’t reacting well to sex education via Zoom.

“Fourth grade is when most elementary schools give ‘the talk’ to the students,” Pfeiffer tells us during a video call, “and due to budget cuts, I have to teach math and sex ed this year.” 

As she organized piles of condoms and bananas on her kitchen table, she explained the difficulty of teaching this subject matter online. 

“It started as I’d expect with some chuckling, but nothing awful. It took a turn when I went to screenshare a diagram of a vagina when one of my more brazen students screen shared a Ghostbusters porn parody. All hell broke loose: kids crying, screaming, puking, and laughing. It was a nightmare.”

One student, whose name will remain confidential, said she’s been emotionally scarred.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to get the image of Lady Liberty getting covered in ‘slime’ for a while.”

Pfeiffer goes on to tell us that parents eventually got involved after the first class.

“They didn't ask me to discipline the child. One parent walked by and saw the Bill Murray look-alike plowing a green-painted woman and wanted to sit in for the rest of the class. Before I knew it, every students’ parents were joining the Zoom call. At one point, a father asked his son to leave because he had some ‘special questions’ for me. They weren’t sexual. They were related to Ghostbusters lore and canon.”

Ms. Pfeiffer informed us a month into the school year that things have improved since the school switched her classes from Zoom to OnlyFans.