Wu-Tang Clan Finally Solves The Mystery Of Catspaw Cove
The seaside community of Catspaw Cove can finally breathe a sigh of relief as Hip Hop group and amateur detectives, The Wu-Tang Clan, brought an end to local legend “The Phantom Captain” this past Wednesday.
The sleuths and hip-hop masters found their way to Catspaw Cove after having been invited to use David Hasselhoff's condo for the weekend. Ghostface Killah answered, “We was just hopin’ to kick it seaside, and all of a sudden this ghost pirate comes outta nowhere and starts trippin'. An we was like, aw hell naw.”
The Phantom Captain has been a Catspaw Cove legend for years, scaring would-be tourists away from the beach and boardwalk. This supernatural activity has caused real estate prices in the area to hit rock bottom as the town lived in fear.
The abbot of Wu-Tang, RZA, had this to say, “Fear is a state of nervousness only fit for children. One must see for real, touch and feel for real. This is the only way to move from ignorance to wisdom.”
“Which is why we came to f*** you up!” added Method Man, cracking his knuckles staring down a frightened Phantom swinging upside down from a net trap designed by GZA, the group’s resident scientist.
“Using data we gathered from the Phantom’s activities, we were able to measure when the muhf***ah would strike next,” said GZA, punching in computations on his calculator.
After being captured by GZA’s sophisticated Rube-Goldberg device, the Phantom was revealed to be land developer Howard Grimsby wearing a luminescent skull mask and pirate costume. “I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling rhyme-spitters.”
Wu-Tang was last seen aboard their tour bus headed toward an abandoned hotel in search of rest and relaxation before their next show.