Woman Spends A Little Too Long Acknowledging Her Pretty Privilege
BROOKLYN, NY—In a developing story from this weekend, a group of NYU-adjacent women bravely discussed their privilege over bottomless mimosas.
It appears Jessica Klein, 27, and Samantha Roth, 26, spent an earnest 4.7 minutes acknowledging their privilege as cis, white women with successful corporate lawyers for parents. Then, Sarah Smith, 27 chose to bravely acknowledge her pretty privilege. Sources close to her alleged she just went on for a liiittle too long.
“At first, we were proud of Sarah for acknowledging the benefits of pretty privilege," Klein explained. "But then 17 minutes went by and she was still only describing her pore-free skin, saying that's how she’s gotten every job she’s ever applied to.”
Roth supported these claims.
“Sure it was progressive of Sarah to bring up her pretty privilege at first," explained Roth, supporting Klein's claims. "But once she began smirking when she said how many times she’s complimented on her eyes, it was a little much. Like she was definitely enjoying this.”
Our reports show that Smith was in fact enjoying this.
“Listen, I’m simply doing my duty as a pretty—gorgeous, even—woman who is acknowledging her privilege," she said, while being given a free cocktail from a nearby table of men. "I’ve had many benefits in this life because of my slim neck, natural abs and perfectly caramel colored eyes. Imagine walking around with your privilege on your face. I feel soooo guilty. Truly. So so guilty for being this pretty. It’s like the worst for sure.”
We’re being told that everyone was supportive in Smith’s journey of acknowledging her privilege at first–but upon the 34th minute of her crying and also smiling at how guilty she feels for being so pretty, her friends decided to leave the brunch and just let Smith's pretty privilege foot the bill.
Sarah explained, “It was a little weird that the girls just got up and left without paying—but I agree this is simply my reparations to them for being uglier than me. I’ve got this one girls. I’ve got you. The manager gave me a discount anyway.”
