Streetwear Line Pays Employees In Freelance Clout

LOS ANGELES, CA—From his warehouse of merchandise, Ashton White, the CEO of the new clothing line “Privileged” says that his employees don’t work for an hourly wage. Instead, they work for something far more valuable: clout.

“There are only three things that people need to survive: ass, grass, and traveling first class," he said as he lifted his 24K gold & diamond-encrusted necklace that was shaped as Captain Planet. “And water. You need water too, I guess.”

White likes to start every day by hyping up his employees with a motivational speech, “Wolf of Wall Street-style” and then give the same chest-pumping speech again every hour on the hour. One of his speeches was him showing everyone his Tinder profile and going through all of his matches he’s received in the last 24 hours. 

Employees work 10-hour shifts and are required to go live on their Instagram for at least six of those hours. The rest of the time is spent, “linking and building” and checking their Robinhood investment portfolios.

“I used to not be lit. And now, I’m lit,” said one of the more malnourished employees. “I broke up with my girlfriend because I surpassed her in clout. You have to hang with people in your own clout bracket, ya feel?”