R. Kelly Contracts Covid-19 In Prison, Says He'd Prefer Covid-13 Or -14

CHICAGO—Vinnie "The Rat" Lucio, cellmate to disgraced RnB crooner R Kelly, revealed from a contraband cell phone that both he and Kelly had tested positive for the coronavirus.

The situation was already tense for months, even before he contracted the virus. Various prisoners demanded to not share a cell with Kelly's “nasty ass” under threat of violence.

"When I first got transferred in with R, I just knew this dude would give me the Rona, I could feel it," said Vinnie, exhaling from a vape pen he was given for disclosing this information.

Kelly, largely asymptomatic, will isolate for an unspecified period, forcing him to withdraw from an inter-correctional prison domino tournament indefinitely.

In a dramatic revelation during an afternoon shower, the singer reportedly was heard belting out: “I don’t wanna hurt nobody but there is something I must confess." This led the entire population of cell block G to demand rapid testing.

“This just ain’t cool,” said The Rat. “When they told him he had Covid-19, this fool said he prefers high schoolers. Can you believe that? Can you get me a television in my cell? I can't deal with this man anymore.”