Military Drone Tired Of Doing Weddings

Declaring he needed some R&R, local military drone, AAI RQ-7A/B Shadow, told reporters Thursday he was exhausted after a busy summer doing weddings.

“At one point, I swear I was striking four weddings a week,” said Shadow via text-to-speech display. “I want to support American interests abroad, but after massacring your 19th innocent couple - along with everybody they’ve ever loved - the atrocities all just sort of blend together, you know?”

Shadow explained that while a wedding here or there can be a relaxing change of pace, the recent overwhelming frequency of weddings was affecting his job performance.

“Look, I love getting away from the daily grind and obliterating unarmed civilians just as much as the next drone. But reduce too many nuptials to fire and ash too quickly, and I find I’m barely able to focus when blowing up - and subsequently creating more - actual terrorists,” said Shadow as military personnel loaded the drone with rockets designed to level entire city blocks with surgical precision. “I need to be able to pay attention to my work. Otherwise, I might accidentally incinerate a 16-year-old American citizen… or something.”

As of press time, Shadow was considering moving a few upcoming weddings off his schedule and replacing them with a few children’s birthday parties or possibly switching gears entirely and dropping nuclear weapons on the Kurds.