Longtime Customer Discovers Barbershop’s Secret Menu Which Includes Access To Films Set To Be Released In 2024

Zeke Jones, a long time customer of Magic Shears, had his longest haircut ever when he discovered the barbershop’s “secret menu.” The discovery came after Zeke jokingly asked for the number 47 on the barbershop chart from the 1980s which featured a picture of a caucasian man with a zig-zag symbol in his hi-top fade

The owner, Big Jimmy, was thrown off by Zeke who is usually silent. “No one ever asks for something from the chart unless they’re a tourist in cargo shorts and uneven white socks,” Big Jimmy exclaimed, “I couldn’t say no, so I had to show him.” 

Zeke was in awe as Big Jimmy unveiled a curtain in the back of the shop which featured movie titles that were dated all the way to 2024. “I almost threw up! They had Big Momma’s House 8, and I was on the blu-ray case next to Martin Lawrence,” Zeke said as he texted multiple ex-girlfriends, “I’ve never acted in my life and I’m gonna star in a movie with Martin in the future? I was so happy!” The secret menu also included a blueprint for creating a Prince hologram, a list of confirmed racist food brand mascots, and a bottle of Jay-Z ad-libs.