White Dude With Dreads Furious About Not Getting Pulled Over By Cops
Driving While Black is an epidemic in the United States, where black people are racially profiled by police officers, but Trey du Pont, a 32-year old white dude with dreads swears that he never gets pulled over by cops ― and he’s infuriated about it.
“Why not me, bruh?” Trey ranted to friends, drinking a Red Stripe behind a local Berkeley head shop. “I have blonde dreads and I listen to 311 on full blast down Telegraph. If I’m not being profiled, our system is broken.”
A study lead by scientists at the Bureau of Justice Statistics revealed that 13 percent of black drivers were stopped by police in 2017, but for white dudes with dreads that figure was 0.000005 percent, basically zero. And Trey du Pont is mad at about it. Madder than he was after watching Pacific Rim 2.
Trey protests that he has driven without breaking the law like other black drivers, who have been pulled over without reason and yet he hasn’t been pulled over, which he blames on bias. “I’m starting to think it’s not about the dreads. But I don’t know,” he says.
Berkeley police Sgt. John Simpson said that the white dude with matted hair and bandana he saw driving last Friday wasn’t considered threatening, just annoying. “Yeah I know the one. It’s a beat up Kia. It smells like hamster bedding,” the Sgt. remarked.
“He quit law school to play hacky-sack and he had frosted tips before he moved away to Berkeley.” reported Trey’s friend, Benjamin Kensington III, a prep school peer. “My guess is that he thinks cultural appropriation is ok since his Dad was an attorney for Adam Duritz of The Counting Crows.”
Trey was last seen throwing a tantrum when a Starbucks employee refused to throw him out for quietly drinking a frappuccino.