Israeli Prime Minister Converts To Buddhism, Still Not A Fan Of Palestine

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL—Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett revealed that he has decided to become a Buddhist, effectively severing his ties with Modern Orthodox Judaism. Although he has been faced with harsh criticism from his constituents, Prime Minister Bennet affirms that this path is more in tune with his personal journey.

“Honestly, the transition wasn’t too difficult,” Bennett confessed. “After adhering to Judaism my whole life, following the Buddha is going to be a breeze. I mean, have you seen the Torah? As far as I’m concerned, the only roadblock on my path to Nirvana is cutting down on my wine intake—oh, and Palestine.”

Supporters of a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict were hopeful that this recent conversion would allow for a greater chance of achieving peace in the Middle East. However, Prime Minister Bennett has made it clear that although he is compassionate for the welfare of all living beings, he thinks he can make an exception this one time.

“Look, we’ve been going at it for a long time and if I give up now that’ll make me a quitter,” the Prime Minister elaborated, “Once we crush the illegitimate state, I plan on really going balls to the wall with this whole Buddhism thing. I'm gonna meditate and continue to be bald, the whole deal.”

Among his many critics, Palestinian Prime Minister Mohammed Shtayyeh has been the most vocal.

“The least he could’ve done was convert to another Abrahamic religion. Then, we would still have at least one thing in common.”