How The Grinch Culturally Appropriated Kwanzaa
The Grinch could see that the year had passed:
The dreaded holidays were here at last!
He had tried to steal Christmas once before,
But he found himself ass up once more.
“Christmas beat me," admitted the Grinch.
“But, this time I’m sure to succeed. It's a cinch!”
Because this time around the Grinch had a plan
To steal from Black people. He felt like The Man.
He went to his closet, feeling quite cheeky
And he threw on a multicolored dashiki.
“Kwanzaa will be stolen at last!” he cried.
He could do it this time, as long as he tried.
But standing over his plan, quite like a vulture,
He realized he didn’t really know Kwanzaa culture.
“There are candles and songs, but I don't know why…
But if Dolezal could do it, then so can I.”
The Grinch flew to the U.S. with no time to waste.
There was a holiday to cut, no copy and paste!
“People,” he declared with the sneakiest grin.
“Kwanzaa’s no more, my brotherly kin!”
The townspeople stared for a moment or two.
Theft of their culture was nothing too new.
“Who’re you calling brother?” they asked the Grinch.
“That bad patois accent is making us flinch.”
The Grinch looked up at his afro and beanie,
Overcompensating for something quite teeny.
“The day of Kwanzaa has been ruined!” the Grinch said.
“It’s all over y'all, get that through your head!”
One townsperson frowned, shielded eyes from the sun.
He said: “Bitch, Kwanzaa’s seven days, not one.”
The Grinch cringed as he looked at their faces
Now feeling he might've come off a bit racist.
Quickly, to halt this oncoming scandal,
The Grinch pointed to a nearby stand with some candles.
“I know Kwanzaa, okay!” was his great declaration.
“The candle colors represent Africa, a wonderful nation!”
The crowd sighed and booed with great disapproval
Moving swiftly for the Grinch’s immediate removal.
“Mr. Grinch,” said a child, from out of the blue.
“You know Africa's a continent. You know that, don’t you?”
“Uh, duh!” lied the Grinch. “Do you think I am stupid?’
“Obviously, Kwanzaa's the holiday with cupid.”
The child could see the Grinch would not quit:
“Why steal Kwanzaa if you don't know dick about it?”
The Grinch had to think long and think hard.
This Kwanzaa conquest had caught him off guard.
“Well...” he stalled. “I voted for Obama—”
It was then the town set to end this sad drama.
“Grinch,” they said with a sneer and a jeer.
“Kwanzaa is special and full of great cheer.”
The town decided to give one last shot
Even though the Grinch was a bigoted snot.
They had one question for this holiday quiz:
“If you’re so smart, tell us what karamu is.”
It was then it hit him like a face to a brick.
The Grinch realized he was being a dick.
He said: “Perhaps it’s best if simply go.
We can all pretend this day was not so.”
The little girl in the crowd, she still felt fraught.
She wanted to share her one final thought.
“Grinch, you suck! Please never come back.
Your views on Kwanzaa are so truly whack.”
The Grinch turned away, his smile now sagged.
He accepted the fact he was being dragged.
“Have no fear!” he said loud and clear.
“I’ll make sure instead to steal Hanukkah next year.”
