Fresh Linen Or Ocean Breeze? What Your Favorite Candle Scent Says About The Type Of Tax Fraud You Recently Committed

Jun 8

Jun 8 Fresh Linen Or Ocean Breeze? What Your Favorite Candle Scent Says About The Type Of Tax Fraud You Recently Committed

There are only three things certain in this life: death, taxes, and candles! Sniff that hand-poured that you paid way too much for on your coffee table and get a wave of anxiety about how you almost certainly botched your taxes this year. If your favorite scent is...

Fresh cotton sheets

You’re the event organizer for your area’s anti-vax and anti-tax Facebook groups. Need I say more?

Any herbs the witch from Hansel and Gretel used to try to cook the children (lavender, rosemary, mint, sage, etc.)

You claimed undue deductions for donations made to organizations that are good for the environment. You “donated” $51,916.27 towards the following organizations as quoted in your own words: “That weird monkey lady that fucked Tarzan, Greenpiece, WWE, SeaWorld and Fun Fracking LLC ©.”

Baked goods

You literally forgot to do your taxes. That's not okay.

General muskiness/the woods

You submitted your tax information to the tax fraud report website on accident. Who just rang your doorbell? Let me give it to you straight, bud, it’s the I-motherfucking-R-S.

Citrus

You put all the numbers in but didn’t click submit. “It’s just like... not fair.”

Scents you wish your meditation app could give you without the work (i.e. Cozy Cabin Weekend, After a Good Cry, Unconditional Love and Aging Spirits)

The government said “Money, please” and you said “No thanks!” As stated on its website, “[o]ur system of taxation is based upon voluntary assessment and payment.” All you got out of it was “voluntary payment” and ran with it. But the government is gonna Usain Bolt your ass. You also tried to use that expired Kohl’s coupon that ended with a lifetime ban at all locations.