Drunk Asian’s White Friend Here To Let Her Know Her Face Is Red

Houston resident and designated “lightweight” Carrie Song was spared from having an enjoyable evening out with coworkers last Friday evening thanks to her good friend Marissa Hunter, who dutifully reported on how red Song’s face became after having a couple of drinks. 

“Honestly, thank God for Marissa — I’m not sure what I would have done without her there to constantly tell me that my that my face was red in front of a ton of people,” Song said. “I figured my face was red, considering it always gets red, every time I drink, for the past ten years I’ve been drinking. But it’s always good to hear it again and again.”

Song, like many people of East Asian descent, is missing an enzyme that allows her body to metabolize alcohol, known as Asian Flush, which causes redness in the face. 

White guy with anime collection, Tad Merck, commented, “I always thought she was blushing because she was a shy and subservient woman, but I guess it’s just cause she’s always tanked off Soju Coladas.”

Despite her frequent attempts to inform those around her of the condition, good friends like Hunter, along with pretty much any white person within near-close proximity, can always be counted on to point it out.

“Yeah, Carrie has definitely told me why her face gets red when she drinks, but honestly, if I weren’t there to say something, who would? I mean, besides the dozens of strangers that always come up to her and do the exact same thing,” Hunter explained.

“She even made sure to say ‘Oh my god, your face is sooo red’ super loud and a bunch of times in case I couldn’t hear her,” Song added. “She’s the best.”

At press time, Song was seen Googling “pepcid trick” in preparation of an upcoming brunch date.