Barista Really Tired Of Spelling Everyone’s Names Wrong
DURHAM, NC—Going to your local coffee shop and picking up a coffee for an “Ashli" when your name is spelled "Ashleigh" can be a frustrating experience, but contrary to popular belief, misspelling customer names is a nuanced skill that can take years to hone to perfection.
Striking the balance between an honest mistake and the absurd is a fine line all baristas have to walk, and only a few walk it well. One of those is 19-year-old Natalie Morgan, who works part-time at Milk & Honey, one of those earthy cafes with so many plants that there's no room to sit anywhere.
“You’ve got to know your orthography so you can keep up in what I like to call the 'Speed Misspelling Bee,'” Morgan said, laughing. "Oat Milk Latte for Tobo?"
Standing behind the counter in her apron and visor, Morgan explains the many challenges she faces in her current position.
“You’ve got to learn to think fast, especially when the customer tries to be helpful and spells out their name for you. When I first started working here three years ago, I thought the most difficult task would be learning how to use the espresso machine. I had no idea it would be coming up with new ways to spell John on the fly. One sec—Large cold brew for Jorn? Jorn?”
Morgan pulls out a pen and paper and begins to jot down examples.
“At first I was just doing rookie shit like taking a gamble on 'Claire' versus 'Clare' or 'Dylan' as opposed to 'Dillon,' but after I got promoted, I had to start taking on more responsibilities. And that meant stepping up my misspellings big time—cortado and croissant for Tome!"
She sketches out her thought process. First, she breaks names down into sub-names.
"For example," she scribbles down some names on a napkin as the line begins to grow. "Kathryn becomes Kat and Wren or Martin becomes Mart and Tim. From there it's easier to make an 'innocent spelling mistake'."
Next, she identifies any letters that can make different sounds like a hard c or a soft c or letters that can make the same sound like c and k or i and y.
“You’ve got to be careful though and not slip into easy habits. Once I took an order for a Carl, but it was super busy so I just spelled it K-a-r-l. And it turns out that was actually how he spelled his name. I was kicking myself for days afterward. He even left me a tip. I was pissed.”
Morgan says she often takes work home with her.
“I’ll find myself writing grocery lists for mylk, quorn on the kob, and catt fuud. And don’t even get me started on trying to send birthday cards to relatives.”
“It can be a chore," Morgan admits, hanging up her canvas apron for the day (she still has two hours left in her shift). "Sometimes I wish I was working somewhere mindless like for an insurance company or a real estate agency.”
Morgan said her goal is to become a full-time fantasy author after she leaves the coffee shop.
“At least there I'll be able to put my skills to work."
