3 Best Sex Positions That Get You Closer To Their Heater
Looking to spice up your sex life because it’s really cold out and you need to get warmed up because you’re too broke to have heat in the apartment? Lucky for you: that guy from Hinge you hooked up with once while drunk—Ryann or something—has access to a very expensive heater and is good-looking enough! Check out these very erotic sex positions that will get your body as close to that warmth as possible without burning yourself!
Wheelbarrow. Let him take you from behind standing so you can angle yourself as close as possible to that sweet, sweet hot air. You can literally stand over it and remember what summer felt like while you’re getting railed. Since you’re on the ground, you’ll have even better access to that baller hot air right over his way too big window and just try not to look at the weird self-help poster that says “Every day I am Different.”
Cowgirl. Being on top gives you access to pivot your body whichever way you want (aka closer to that hot thang). If you shout out, “Take me, heater!” just tell him that “heater” is your term for daddy and if he doesn’t know kink lingo... well, that’s on him. He'll pretend he's heard it before.
Spooning. Make sure you’re the little spoon and tell him this position only does it for you if you’re 2 inches away from the heater and under a blanket. Enjoy the hard, amazing… air blowing at you, and if he says you’re making him feel things he’s never felt before and starts singing “Purple Rain” to you, well, it’s a small price to pay for evading hypothermia.
Sex can be a very pleasurable experience, especially when the guy has a very expensive heater that’s worth more than your apartment and you’re too chilly to function. And if Ryann wants to take you home to meet his parents, maybe they have a jacuzzi!
